Saturday, 23 January 2016

For the love of food...

I write this post whilst sat on my sofa on a Saturday night after eating my dinner which consisted of fish, spinach and peas and all I can think is how much I could just eat pizza or chocolate…or crisps or sweets or Nandos or cake…ok you get the picture. I’m craving all sorts of rubbish.

Yes it was as appetising as it looks
Dieting is hard. Very hard. So much harder than any training I could ever be made to do and to be quite honest I hate it so much. Ok maybe not hate but that’s just how I’m feeling right now. It is TOUGH.
Since the 4th January I’ve been eating clean and as you will recall from an earlier post my previous diets have at least accommodated one cheat meal per week but this one doesn’t and as expected the weekends are the killer. Throughout the week I can get through it easy; healthy all the way and I don’t crave anything bad. I’ve been used to doing this for almost a couple of years now and I’m that busy with work and training during the week that I don’t really get chance to think much about any naughty food. But on a weekend when a lot of people are enjoying meals out or takeaways and you have a bit more time on your hands and you go to places where you see yummy food around you all of the time, it’s so hard.
I probably shouldn’t be craving much tonight as I have to admit I did cave and have a Krispy Kreme donut last night. I just needed it and I was frustrated. And the worst part was I felt guilty afterwards too and this is where I don’t enjoy what dieting does to me as I don’t want to feel guilty for having a little bit of what I fancy every now and again.
Don't worry this was not last night. I definitely did not have a dozen. But one of many previous cheat nights with Krispy Kreme stocked up...those were the days!
But I am dieting. Strict dieting. And I’m doing it because I have goals; goals that I know I will only hit by having a strict diet and I know that come the time of my photo shoot at the end of March I’m going to be so thankful I did make so many sacrifices. Being on the diet I’m currently on is not a sustainable one; I know that and it’s only for a relatively short period of time (although at the moment it feels like forever) until May after which I’ll go back to a healthy balance of 80-20.
And I know all of this is a personal choice and I don’t have to do it however it is something I’m choosing to do and I’m just sharing my journey and that includes the lows as well as the highs. I find I’m normally ok throughout the day even on a weekend; it’s on the evening I struggle most. Normally my Saturday night would consist of a cheat meal which often was pizza (Dominoes dreaming right now – BBQ chicken base stuffed crust oh my days actually drooling) and then some dessert. What I would do for a piece of chocolate fudge cake right now. Or a cheesecake. Or a bar of chocolate to enjoy with a cuppa. I swear I could actually cry LOL.
Cheat nights were the best...yes that is two Dominoes pizzas (unfortunately from a year ago)
For those of you who haven’t ever done such a strict diet you probably won’t understand this as you read through and I’m aware I will sound like a crazy person but for those who have dieted I’m sure you can sympathise with these feelings. I constantly think about food. Often I can make my meals fairly tasty even if they are super healthy but let’s be real it’s nothing at all like stuffing your face with a chicken pitta, chips and heaps of mayo from Nandos is it?
And I think you find that when you’re dieting temptation is all around. Or maybe I just notice it more now I can’t have things. I’m like a child…if I know I can’t have something I want it more. I went out for breakfast this morning (healthy option of course – which killed me in itself as I just wanted the full English brekkie) and all I could see was the cake counter staring back at me. I nip into the shops and literally every aisle is stacked with chocolate and sweets or biscuits…and they’re all on offer!!!
I also find it really tough as no one around me is following as strict a diet and people just don’t get it. I get comments that are said in all innocence or just to tease but it’s so frustrating and makes dieting so much harder. As I type this a messages comes up from my friend telling me she’s eating Nutella cookies. Seriously, what is life? Lucy is one of my friends who does actually get the dieting game though being a fellow gym-bunny so she is extremely supportive and encouraging don’t get me wrong. She keeps me on track so much. She’s living by the 80-20 rule at the moment so cookies are allowed in her life (b**ch haha). My mum also text me earlier as I bought her a cake recipe book for her birthday this week and she said she will make me the chocolate ganache for Easter. I would love chocolate ganache for Easter but with the possibility of a competition in May; I’m afraid chocolate ganache is not going to get me shredded. So again, it’s a no from me. To which I get a reply saying ‘Ok’ with an angry face emoji. My face is angry too mum…especially now you’ve put the thought of chocolate ganache in my mind. But be sure to enjoy it on my behalf LOL.
So for anyone out there who is dieting, I feel your pain. People think going to the gym is hard. That 1 hour per day is easy; it’s controlling what goes on your plate the other 23 hours of the day that’s the hardest part. But anything worth having in life doesn’t come easy and it’s all about the mental toughness. I know in 9.5 weeks time it will have been worth it.

1 comment:

  1. Another interesting blog unfortunately this time about the struggles.Keep up the good work though ✊✊✊ you can smash this super clean let's get shredded eating! X