Thursday, 19 May 2016

3 days to go...

Almost at the weekend now and I’m all set for Sunday. This week has gone fast thankfully as I worried that a bit like last week it would drag and I’d just be sat waiting with each day feeling like an age. But I’ve had an awesome week so far this one and I’m very much enjoying being in peak week and getting ready for Sunday.
 
Each night I’ve been enjoying a glass of white wine and a small bowl of melon and it’s been so nice to have something different in my diet for a change and the wine has certainly been putting me in a deep sleep after not drinking a drop of alcohol in 5 months. Surprisingly I’ve probably enjoyed the melon more than I have the wine as I’m actually not too fussed about alcohol, give me some good food every time. But I’m taking advantage and making sure I have my full allowance each night.
 
It has certainly started to dry me out a lot too which is the whole point of it. I noticed a big difference from Sunday to Wednesday and I’m excited to see what happens over the next few days as I also reduce my water as the week goes on. Bizarrely as someone who is always on their feet I’m finding it pretty frustrating just lounging on the sofa on an evening with my legs elevated and not being able to do much else. But I’m trying to make the most of that too as before I know it life will be back to 100mph.
 
Wednesday's abs
 
It’s also felt very strange today not training at all; I had my last training session yesterday and then for the rest of the week I just have to relax as much as possible. Mentally it screws with the mind a little as you feel like you’re losing your muscle tone or putting on weight when you’re just sat doing nothing, which is stupid as that’s not going to happen that quickly especially when I’m still dieting but it’s all psychological.
 
Today and tomorrow I’m working from home so that’s been easier for me to be able to raise my feet in the air as much as possible to let the water drain and it’s just a little less taxing on the body not having to get out of the house and get to work and rushing around the office.
 
People keep asking me if I’m nervous about Sunday and I am a little of course but actually not that much. I feel in some ways like I’ve already achieved what I set out to at the start. I’ve pushed myself so hard, in ways I wasn’t sure I even had the strength to do. My willpower has been on point and I’ve dedicated myself 100% to this for the last 20 weeks. For me that’s the achievement; having the mental strength to get through that. On the days where you can’t be bothered training, when you’re friends are all going out, when the cravings kick in badly; all of those days provide mini challenges in themselves and being able to fight through each and every one of them along the way is such a satisfying feeling now I’m almost at the end.
 
It still doesn’t feel like I am almost at the end as for so long I just couldn’t imagine getting here. It has genuinely been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life; I had no idea how hard it would be and there have been some low days when I have just hated it all so much. Looking back now I’m not sure how I pushed through it all but I certainly know why I did because the feeling I have about being on stage on Sunday is like no other.
 
I’m more excited than anything else for the competition now. Because I feel like I’ve achieved what I set out to achieve, I almost feel like on Sunday I can just go and showcase all my hard work and enjoy the day. Normally I am a very competitive person but I don’t feel that competitive at this stage about it (although that might change on the day!). This while process has never been about anyone else; I wrote the post a couple of months ago about the reasons why I don’t do comparison and I really haven’t when it’s come to this. Yes you look at other girls that have competed and can appreciate their figures but I’m just so proud at having come this far by myself and for myself and for what I’m about to do on Sunday. I don’t really think too much about the competition with other girls.
 
I’m excited to get tanned, get my nails done, put on my figure suit and heels and really make the most of Sunday and enjoy the day. I’m ready to get on that stage and be proud of the body that I’ve worked so hard to get and I’m ready to have fun and smash out my poses and my routine.
 
And I’m not just saying it but I’m not that fixated either on how I do on the day. Of course I want to do well, absolutely, but I’m just proud to be doing it even if I don’t place that highly. I can enjoy the event, take comfort from the fact that I’ve done it and no one can ever take that away from me.
 
I can’t believe too that in just a few days I can also eat exactly what I want. After months without pizza, chips, chocolate, sweets, crisps, doughnuts, biscuits and whatever else fatty, sugary foods you can think of, I’m actually allowed to indulge in these foods on Sunday. And Monday. Then it’s back to being healthy from Tuesday. Don’t get me wrong treats will be allowed in there and my diet certainly won’t look anything like what it does now but I’ll be eating clean 80% of the time and training hard still to maintain my figure as much as possible and to not undo all of the hard work that I’ve put in over the last 7 months.
 
But I cannot tell you how excited I am for that evening of indulgence on Sunday. The amount of things now lining my cupboard (and my mum’s cupboard) there’s enough to feed the 5000 but I stand by the fact that whatever I want on the night of the competition, I will have.
 
For now it’s back to the cod and peas for dinner though so off I go to cook and I’m so thankful that after tonight I only have one more dinner of it to endure and I swear a piece of fish or greens will not be going near my mouth anytime soon.

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